Valley of the Souls part 3

 Release...or so I thought?

    So once again I found myself on a journey. This time, going back to the place where this had all started, back to the place where I had encountered this strange man and spiderwoman. This place where everything had started out so innocently and I was just trying to find a place to relax and find some meaning to my life. 

    I knew this journey was something I had to finish while it was still fresh on my mind and I had to deal with everything that was going on while the connection was still fresh. It was kind of like having a conversation with someone and addressing the issues while the individual you were having a conversation with was present and everything was fresh on your mind. The longer I let this incident go on the harder it would be to get her out of my life. So the faster I took care of it the easier it would be. It's like letting cement cure. As long as the cement is wet the easier it is to work it. Once the concrete cures it becomes extremely problematic to work it. So removing whatever it is Spiderwoman had done to me had to be addressed as quickly as possible.

    So when I arrived on the scene and had traveled deep into my meditation again I found myself standing on the shores and was surprised to see more beings on the beach waiting for me. Indian warrior was there, and he already had a sacred space set up. A large square perhaps thirty feet by thirty feet was set up with a ceremonial fire burning in the center of it. On each corner was a spear thrust in the ground with a flag on each one. A white flag on one, a brown flag, a red flag, and a yellow flag on the others. Each spear carrying its own flag. I am not sure what the representation for the different colors were. Off to the side of the fire was my totem animal who happened to be a bald eagle. Not a small eagle, but a rather large one much taller than a man. For scale it was more like something you could ride and that was exactly what we were going to do, unbeknownst to me at the moment.

    With that, and without saying a word, Indian warrior and I both climbed upon eagles back as eagle lowered himself to the ground and with a flap of his giant wings we were were soon skimming the water towards the direction of the cave on the beach where Spiderwoman had first taken me into the valley of the souls. The whole time we were flying my mind was racing as to how I was gong to destroy this alter which stood at the cave entrance. This spot where I had the energy beam flow through me and I had watched it flow through me as it rose and disappeared somewhere off in the distance. 

    As we neared the entrance and the alter we flew over it a couple of times before an idea came into my head and I instantly found myself holding a giant mallet in my hand. It can be debated on whether or not I was actually holding a large mallet with a three foot diameter head on it, or if it merely represented my mind focusing and creating concentrated power in order to destroy this alter. In my mind I was going to pulverize it and turn it into dust so this alter could no longer hold any power over me. And just as I was about to strike the alter as we flew over it a voice shouted to me just as I raised my arm, my only arm, and instructed me in no uncertain terms to stop. I don't know where this voice came from but it had a commanding presence to it and I immediately froze in my tracks and lowered my arm. No sooner had I heard this voice coming from nowhere in particular but everywhere at once, eagle turned and we immediately flew as fast as eagle could fly into the cave and we found ourselves traveling through the center of the valley of the souls. 

    Once again I stared in fascination at all the souls twirling around us as we flew by, their necks twisted as they all cranked their heads to stare at us as we glided by. Not one tried to stop us, rather I felt as if they were staring in wonder at us trying to figure out what we were and why we were there. I think they were a bit confused as to our motives. Still, with the mallet put away I was hanging on to eagles feathers and could feel Indian warrior hanging on to me, his arms wrapped around my waist during the whole time eagle was bearing us.

    It didn't take very long before we just seemed to burst out of the valley of the souls and and suddenly we were flying through Spiderwomans lair and we found ourselves gliding directly over the alter she had me stand on. This one was a duplicate of the one I was about to destroy at the entrance to the beach cave.  Needless to say I didn't waste anytime and once again I found myself clutching the mallet in my hand with Indian warrior holding me as I really unleashed on this alter, pulverizing it as I hit it again and again and again, watching it turn to dust. I was unleashing my anger on it and once I was finished, off in the distance, I heard a blood curdling scream rising into the air and seemingly surrounding us. None of us really wanted to stick around and see what it was that was letting out that scream so eagle made a mad dash back through the valley of the souls towards the beach we had come from. 

    The journey back was nothing like the journey to Spiderwomans lair though and it was not an easy trip back. As eagle was flying as hard as he could to get back through the valley of the souls I could see hands reaching out from the walls of tunnel, hands and arms desperately trying to grab us, to stop us from leaving. 

    

    Apparently, Spiderwomans screams had alerted these beings and I was seriously wondering if eagle was going to make it. He was really struggling as if he had hit a headwind and was battling to stay aloft. This was not going to be easy. And just as we felt eagle starting to make headway about halfway through the valley of the souls something reached out and knocked me off of eagles back. I felt myself flying above eagles back and over Indian warrior and with a desperate grab I was able to grasp eagles tailfeathers as he flew through the air. At that point Indian warrior crawled down eagles back and managed to grab my arm and hold on until we finally made it out of the cave and back to the beach. 

    Needless to say we wasted little time in sealing the cave entrance and destroying the alter. With that we flew off the beach. Apparently Indian warrior who had said nothing at all, but was just noticed with his presence, had plans for me and off we flew. I remember flying high into the clouds and when we emerged from the clouds we were suddenly flying through some amazing high mountain peaks and far below us was this amazing crystal clear lake. As we descended and got closer to the lake I noticed a green meadow next to it which gave way to to a group of Quaking Aspen trees which spread as far as the eyes could see. 

    As we got even closer I noticed at the shore of the lake in the clearing was a teepee. And next to the teepee was an older Indian who was waving at us like he had been expecting us to arrive. As eagle touched down to the ground next to this man I understood him to be a shaman and a healer. I stood next to him and looked him in the face. He was smiling at me like he had just gotten away with something and as I smiled back a warmth came over me.

    "You look warn and have been in a battle," he said as he motioned me to his teepee.

    "No," I replied as I contemplated climbing on the back of eagle and taking off again. "I am fine and I have other things I need to do."

    I had recently been wary of another issue which had threatened me and I thought as long as I was on a roll I would get that taken care of as well. I noticed Indian warrior had moved right behind me but I had little idea why he was standing so close to me.

    "No," the medicine man replied. "You are too weak and you have expended to much of your energy in this battle. I must heal you. You are in no shape to be a warrior right now."

    And for whatever reason I realized he was right and the minute he explained to me what kind of shape I was in I collapsed back into Indian warriors arms. The last thing I remember was Indian warrior carrying me into the medicine mans teepee and laying me on a pile of furs. As I was looking out through the teepee entrance I saw eagle flying off with Indian warrior on his back. 

    This part of the journey was over. I had dealt with what I thought was the worst part of the incident I had been forced to deal with. And yet, it was still not quiet over. 

There are times in life where you must let the ego go in order to survive. It's only when you surrender to the act of observation and listen from the heart where you can be truly saved from yourself.

    

 

Valley of the Souls continued

Consequences 

    So here I was, completely out of my meditation and left to wonder about what had just happened. To this day I can sit and reflect on my actions, or lack thereof, and I still have questions about why this went forward and why my naivety left me so totally open to what had happened and what would have happened if I had been aware enough to say no and just leave the meditative state I was in. It doesn't matter because it is over and I have become a much more aware person as a result. Still, the experience, unawares to me, was just beginning. The situation was just getting started and was not close to ending it anytime soon.

    I was very fortunate to have a mentor in my life at the time who gave me a much vaster understanding of the other worlds and how to deal with situations that may arise in dealing with them. So this whole experience was running through my head, every little detail as it happened, as well as the very real pain I was feeling in my arm where spider woman had bitten me. 

    Later the following day we got together, as we so often did, and I went into detail about what had happened and how this entity had bitten me. All the time I kept glancing at her face as she seemed deep into concentration over what I was telling her, her face showing deep concern over what I was explaining had happened to me during my meditation. When I was finished I just stared ahead through the windshield of her vehicle in a daze, waiting for her to respond.

    "What have you done?" She questioned me as I stared through the window of her vehicle. "Why in hells name did you do that?" 

    I shrugged my shoulders. I had no explanation and I really didn't understand any of what had just happened.

    "This is bad, Don," she added. "I don't know if there is anything you can do. I don't think I can do anything. I am not sure anyone can do anything. Let me call the shaman and see what he can do. I still don't think he can help. You are in real trouble." 

  The shaman was a mutual friend we had. Quite powerful in his own regards and I held out hope perhaps he could help? I listened to her talk on the phone for what seemed like forever. Listening for her quest for help and advice as she probed him for answers. And the whole time I was gradually coming to an understanding that I had been duped. That both of these beings had worked on my ego and my trust and had manipulated the situation so that I would agree with them and say yes. That was all they needed. An action in the affirmative by me. And I had given approval and now I was trapped. 

    The longer I sat there the angrier I got. Anger at them, but mostly anger at myself. Anger at allowing myself to be so naive as to be duped so easily!

    "Well, you're on your own," she responded as she finished her conversation with him. "He isn't sure what to do and he told me you just have to deal with the situation and you are on your own. Maybe you will die?"

    We were silent for a few minutes as we both delved into our own consciousness for a way to remove this entity before she spoke up. My anger at this point was palatable and I could almost taste it. I was beyond anger.

    "I am going to tell you a story," she finally spoke up, breaking the silence, "this is about my mentor."

    

    Her mentor was a shaman who practiced along the path of Carlos Castaneda. A Peruvian born shaman who trained under a Yaqui shaman named Juan Matus. Her mentor was trained under one of Carlos Castaneda's students as well as receiving training by shamans on the Navajo and Hopi Indian reservations in the four corners area of the United States. My mentor was tutored by this Shaman.

    "He was living on the reservation and was being tutored by a shaman there," she added," one day he was in a meditative state similar to where you were. While he was in this state he met a shaman who challenged him while on his journey. In his journey this shaman picked up a stick and drew a line in the sand between the two of them. The shaman pointed at the line and dared him to cross over the line. So he took him up on the dare and proudly jumped over the line thinking he was powerful enough to deal with this shaman who had dared him. He was immediately lost in a dream and his body went into convulsions. It was so bad that the shaman who was working with him had to to restrain him and tie him to a tree. It took three days worth of intense ritual practice before he found his way back to his body and the spirit was removed. This is what you have just done. You have crossed the line. You are not convulsing. But you have let this being in and I don't know what I can do for you."

    My mind raced in panicked anger as I thought about how I was going to deal with this. This wasn't right! I had been trapped by my own arrogance and if anyone was going to take care of this it was going to have to be me. Anger has a power of it's own. It is a powerful tool if used right and I was about to use it.

    "I have to do something..." I said in a hushed voice. "I need to take care of this!"

    "Well, be careful," she replied as she dropped me off. "Don't make it worse for heavens sake!"

    The next day found me creating sacred space and asking the universe for help as I prepared myself for whatever it is I must do. My anger was still very much evident and I was determined to do something to help myself. In the end, I was responsible for my predicament and now I was going to have to find some way to undo whatever it was spider woman had done to me.

    As I entered my altered state I left all my thoughts behind and found myself in total darkness. I had no clue what I was going to do but felt confident I would be able to find the help I needed. So, I waited until I saw a light in the distance and worked myself towards the light, not knowing what I would find. Once I arrived where the light was I realized I was standing in some Mayan or Incan city that looked as if it had been long since deserted, save one rather large man standing in front of me. He was dressed very similar to the picture as far as his headdress goes, but he was without a shirt and was very muscular. He was wearing a leather apron with a jaded sword hanging from his side. He had on his feet a type of sandal with leather laces wrapping around his legs. On each side were torches that looked a lot like tiki torches we use today. At his feet wound an enormous snake, perhaps twenty or thirty feet long, and it was coiled through and around his legs, his large head staring at me, his eyes fixed on me. 

    "Who are you?" I asked in a rather guarded fashion and wondering if I was about to walk into another trap of some sort.

    "I am Quetzalcoatl," he replied as his voice rolled from his mouth. "You have asked for help. I am the one that was sent to help. Do you accept this help?" 

    I sat silent for a moment as I watched snakes head raise and stare menacingly at me, his tongue slithering between his lips.

    "Yes," I replied as I wondered how I ever got myself into this rather bizarre situation?

    "Give me your arm," he replied.

    With that I extended my left arm out and as he grabbed my hand he drew his jaded sword and in a flash cut my arm off at the elbow. Without saying a word he flung my arm at snake as snake, in one fell motion, raised his head and body up to snatch it out of the air and in an instant my left arm was removed at the elbow and traveling down snakes mouth towards his belly.

    "It is done," he stated as he placed his sword back into his belt on his side. "Come back and see me when you are done with your quest."

    With that Quetzalcoatl turned and walked away while snake slithered along side him as he faded into the distance, leaving me alone in the darkness.

    I came out of my journey undaunted and still very angry. This was not what I had expected to happen, but then again, what did I expect to happen? Things of this nature do not work off of what a human perception is of what life or reason should be, nor of a perceived human conception of time either. If you go into a situation such as this it is not something you prepare for or even understand. It is a journey where spirit alone dictates how to deal with things. Spirit is the only thing that can see beyond a human beings perceived notion of how things should operate in the supernatural world. Ones human reactions and reasoning will fail to resolve the situation you would like resolved if one relied solely upon human instincts and knowledge . Human perception can not perceive what non human entities, spiritual or extraterrestrial, are thinking. You must check human emotions and reason at the door with situations such as this. Unknowingly, this is what I was doing. This lack of organized action is what would save me from total disaster.

    The next day I again talked with my mentor and explained what had been happening to me in my altered state. Again she shook her head in silence as she contemplated what she can do to help me.

    "Look, I know I am just hoping I can get this done and undo whatever it is I have gotten myself into," I told her as the anger boiled in my veins. "I have to go back. I have to take care of spider woman somehow. I know I am on my own. But I am the only one at this point that can take care of this. Who else can I turn to?"

    I was angry and desperate. Anger has a power of its own. It is an emotion you can hold on to with a lot of energy and if you use this energy with clear intent and do not let it fog your thoughts it is quiet powerful. This is where my state of mind was. I had a lot of anger and I was about to direct this anger towards getting spider woman to release me.

    "I'll tell you what I can do," she responded quietly, "I'll send you my indian warrior to help you. You can have him for two weeks but at the end of two weeks I am calling him back."

    With that I was much more optimistic that I would be able to pull something off and remove spider woman from my life. At the time I really had little idea on how much of a deal this was on her part. These type of spirits and gifts are not to be taken lightly and it is a great honor to be able to have someone send something of a spiritual nature like this to someone else. Today I am greatly honored she did this. And I knew she had an indian warrior that was gifted her. We had actually been able to capture him on a photo on our phones a couple of times. 

 

    . To Be Continued...

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Valley of the Souls

Valley of the Souls 

    Several years ago, back when I was trying to understand what I was doing with my esoteric travels, I ran across a situation I didn't know was possible to happen to anyone. I trusted the process I had been taught about meditation techniques and creating sacred space and was really having a lot of success exploring the universe and more explicitly our solar system both in past and present tense.

    

    This experience was one of the most alarming and yet innocent things I had encountered up to that point in time and it left me perplexed and quiet confused over just what had happened to me and why. This journey haunts me to this day in more than one way. So here goes my experience. It is quiet long so I may break it up into two parts. 

    So I always began my journey with a light sage followed up with a visualization process where I surround my space I am journeying in with a clear protective bubble, followed by allowing the energy from my inner self to expand and filling up my protective bubble with golden energy to surround my body as I began my journey. Over the period of the year I had been making my journeys I never had any inclination I was under any harm and just naturally assumed I was safe. Of course, I never had any tangible threat to my safety up to that point either. This day was different however, and I mentioned this journey briefly in a previous post called 'Meditations and Inherent Risks'. This post will get into depth of what happened that day back in the late nineties.

    

This scene was very similar to the scene I had created for the purpose of my meditations. I had a process I had developed whereas I could travel deeply into the depths of my soul into a very relaxed almost hypnotic state. Once there I would relax on the shore in a beach chair with my feet buried in the sand at the waters edge. The beach wound around to the left similar to this scene with the beach winding around to the right as well creating a lagoon of sorts. To the right the shoreline rises into these amazing cliffs overlooking the ocean. Once I focused in on the scene I could spend up to an hour of real time deep in this meditative state. There was an old bungalow directly behind me under the palm and coconut trees. I mention the bungalow only because later in life it plays a part in my life.

    So here I would sit deep under my meditative state just enjoying the peaceful bliss of my private, secure, safe sanctuary. That is until he showed up.

    So I am sitting there in this blissful state staring out over the bay and listening to the waves lap up on shore and feeling at total ease when I noticed far down the shoreline to the right of me there was a figure moving. I was alarmed at first, seeing someone else in my sacred sanctuary I had created for my own personal bliss. Yet, there he was and he was walking straight towards me as I sat in my beach chair. 

    As he got closer I saw he was dressed in all black, kind of like like he was a nomad from the middle east. He was wearing a Thobe which was tied around the middle of his waist with a red sash tying his ensemble together. His skin was darker but more like a well tanned individual with a middle eastern look. His hair was jet black and shoulder length with some wavy loose curls. He had a well maintained beard and mustache and he was a rather handsome man with deep brown eyes. I watched in wonder as he approached me and silently stood next to me in my chair as I tried hard to understand who he was or why he was in my sacred space?

    I just starred at him for a bit, and he at me, and he smiled the most genuine smile I think I have ever felt. Still, I didn't understand how he could be here with me? The thought kept running through my head on if I should close this meditation out and return to my chair I left my body in, or to hear this man out? I wrestled with the decision of staying or leaving when I came to the conclusion if he was here it must have some meaning and he must be benevolent, shouldn't he? How else could he be here if he was not benevolent? So I resigned myself that this man, which had so non-chalantly walked into my meditational bliss, must be ok or he would not be here.

    The moment I had come to this conclusion he finally spoke.

    "Come with me," he said with a quiet and yet somewhat majestic air of authority in his voice. 

    With that I rose up from my chair and followed him as he led me back up the beach from where he had come from. Cutting away from the beach to the right we travelled up a well worn path through the waist high growth as he led me up the trail through the brush towards a cliff which overlooked the ocean. I could see the spot on the beach where I had been sitting when he had introduced himself now far below us. I stood next to him as the ocean breeze blew his robes back and swept his hair from his face back over his shoulders. I stared across the vastness of the ocean below us and was immediately overcome with the majestic beauty of the view in front of me.

    We both stood there for what seemed like forever before he turned and stared me in the eyes, stretching his arms out like he owned the place and emphatically stated with a smile,  "this could all be yours!" He exclaimed resolutely like he was about to give it to me. I just stood there, confused with as to how was I supposed to respond to his remark and who was he to think he could give me what I had created or something the creator was giving me to use free of charge? At this point I was very confused and did not really have much of a clue as to what was really going on? With that he motioned us back down the trail towards the beach to which I followed him as he led me back to the place where I had been sitting on my chair when he had introduced himself.

  

    As we approached the beach towards the chair which was waiting for me just where I had left it, another being showed up. I called her a being because I could not really make out what she was, and yet here she was.

    

    This picture pretty much defines the being I was introduced to by the man on the beach. She had a purple hue to her body. More of a lavender precisely. She was a mixture of what I would call the body of Medusa and the bottom half, like a centaur, but a shiny spider body vs a horse like a centaur. It resembled a black widow body. So her hair was long and braided and had a reggae look to it. Her face was beautiful with well built proportions with two fangs hanging from her mouth and she was naked down to her waist which seamlessly melded into the body of a black widow spider. "Follow her," he added as he turned and walked back up the beach. I just nodded and watched him walk back up the beach away from me and out of the meditation I was in. 

    "Give me your arm," she said, her voice rippling over me like some music from deep within the confines of time. I was immediately drawn to her voice which echoed from somewhere deep inside her soul.

    I found myself unconsciously reaching out my left arm to which she grabbed it and immediately bit her fangs into my arm, breaking the fangs off inside my arm as she withdrew her mouth.

    "OUCH!" I exclaimed as I withdrew my arm in pain. At that exact moment I recalled opening my eyes and jerking my arm physically off of the arm of the chair I was meditating in and rubbing my arm in pain before relaxing again and regaining my spot in the journey I was having.

    "You bit me you bitch!" I cried out in pain as I re-emerged back into my journey again.

    "Do not worry it will heal," she exclaimed non-chalantly as she smiled at me. "Here, jump on my back," she added as she extended her arm and lowered her abdomen to the ground while she waited for me to jump on. Once I had settled on her back she warned me to hold on tight as she sped down the beach towards a large cave opening at the far left hand side of the beach.

    "Jump off," she said as she motioned me towards what I assumed was an altar of some sort that was sitting on the ground near to the entrance of the cave. An eight sided granite stone perfectly level and polished as the sun shone off of it with an eight sided center portion slightly lighter in color than the rest of the stone. Brown with a tan center I stood in the center of this stone and watched as a multi colored light flowed from the bottom of the stone, flowing through me and disappearing off into the sky.

    "That is good," she replied with a smile on her face as she motioned me to jump back on after the stream of light had vanished into the sky. 

    And with that she was off again, running with great speed into the cave and deep into the bowels of the earth with me on her back, clutching my arms around her slender waist. Soon the walls of the cave gave way revealing a sinister site of souls floating and spinning around in place of the walls to which there was no depth, only the site of more and more souls trapped within the confines of spider woman's lair. All I could see was empty space as far as as the eye could see and soul after soul floating in endless space, twisting and turning to stare at me on the back of what I was referring to as spider woman at this point. This scene reminded me of a portrait taken from the book 'Dante's Inferno', where all the souls of hell made up the walls of the cave he was descending into. Very similar. Or the portrait of angels surrounding a portal towards heaven. So I often wonder if I was indeed traveling though a portal someplace.

    "What is this place?" I asked her as she made her way deeper and deeper into the cave.                                    "It is the valley of the souls," she responded as she traveled down through the great expanse of nothingness. "Hold on tightly. I don't want to lose you. If you fall off I will never be able to find you again."              With that I clung tightly to her waist as she traveled onward deeper and deeper though the valley of the souls until finally bursting through and seeing the valley of the souls disappear and we emerged into a world much like any other world, save it was colored in shades of purple and lavender. There was a stream running next to us as she stopped, the the water was light purple and flowing over the rocks looking kind of like some type of grape soda. The ground itself was a light violet colored, with the trees and ground all the same color with the same purple hue. Other than that it was very much similar to the world that humans walk in.

 

         With that we stopped next to an object similar to what I had stepped into as we had approached the cave entrance near the beach. This is very similar to that object. I stepped into the center of this making sure I was centered and not touching the brown marble stone. As I stood still on the tan colored stone a beam of light flowed from the stone, shot through my body, and where this beam of energy went I am not sure. The beam simply shot through me, into the sky and out of sight. Spiderwoman seemed satisfied after this energy beam shot through me but never made any attempt to touch the stones themselves. This stone was about four feet across with the smaller, lighter colored stone perhaps two foot across.

        What had happened I was not sure at the time. I was not sure why I accepted whatever was going on between this man I had met and Spiderwoman. I wasn't sure about anything and I was deeply confused over the whole incident. 

    Spiderwoman, pleased with what had happened, motioned me to jump back on her back and in no time at all we journeyed back through the valley of the souls and she dropped me off where I had met her and quickly left without saying another word. So there I was, by myself, standing on the beach like nothing had ever happened save for the bite on my arm.

    So this concludes part one of the journey. I will post part two later. For whatever reason I was pretty much oblivious to whatever danger I was in. I had willingly, although unconsciously, just submitted myself to a possession of sorts. Very much like a demonic possession. I had been chosen by her and with the bite she claimed possession of me and with the energy attachment she had me go though I was now sealed to her lair. I was her eyes and ears into the physical world and I was not even understanding what had happened. In a sense, I was almost a lost cause to her will. Almost...I will explain how I was able to retrieve myself and my sanity in part two. 

In the Depths of Darkness there is always light, 

you just need to understand how to see it.

    

  

    

    

    

    

The Widowmaker

The Widowmaker

Hold and click on the link to view the clip

widowmaker

That Damned Cat!

    This is one of those things I put in the category of  'so, I got that going for me'. Yea, that's a Bill Murray school of thought nugget for you all.

    It's early one Saturday morning and I am in the process of waking up. You know what I am talking about. The place where you get the feeling it is early in the morning and there is nothing to really keep you from falling asleep again and you really just want to doze back into dreamland. That state where you are aware of what is happening around you, but you are literally five seconds from having a dream. Everyone has been there. The struggle between waking up and falling back to sleep for another hour or so. That space.

    

    My bed lies next to a window. The window is situated about three inches above ground level and my room is in the basement. The window does not have a screen on it and there is only a light curtain hanging in front of it. It is very easy for an animal to jump through it and it has happened before. I once had my dog, a small fox terrier, get frightened in the middle of the night and suddenly he is lying on my bed next to me. So there is a possibility of anything jumping through the window as in the summer it was always open.

    I am in this state of waking up and I am aware of the curtains fluttering above my head in the window so I know the sun is starting to rise over the mountains. I am guessing it is between six to seven in the morning. It is around the end of July so I know it is going to warm up fast and I am debating in my head on whether or not I am going to go back to sleep.

    Directly to the side of my bed I am hearing the soft purring of a cat. The cat got in the room, I thought to myself as the debate in my head between sleep and opening my eyes went on. 

    We lived on an acre of land and my stepfather decided, since we lived in the country, it was a license to get any animal that would fit on the property. So as a result at any one time we had numerous cats, dogs, rabbits, chickens, turkeys, ducks, goats, pigs, horses, hell, even a mule at one point. And being the oldest guess who milked the goat? Yea, goats can be milked...who would have known?

    So when I heard a cat purring in the room right in front of me I wasn't surprised. But I really wasn't in the mood to get up, either. My thought was 'damned cat got in the room' and when I decided to let it roam around because I was going back to sleep I hear the cat let out a soft meow and at that point I decided I really did need to show it the door. 

    'Damn it! Gonna have to get up and usher it out the window', I thought to myself as I slowly started to return to the awakened world. But, wait...we don't have a cat right now, do we? No. And we didn't. We just so happened to be out of cats at that point. So who's cat is this? Where did a cat come from? And how is it positioned beside my bed? Is it just kinda floating in the air? I had no nightstand...just a headboard with plenty of compartments for alarm clocks, etc. So I was struggling with the concept of a cat floating in mid air beside my bed.

    The minute I opened my eyes to check out this cat that was purring right next to my bed my whole body froze. It felt as if every muscle in my body had just died and I was completely frozen. I couldn't even do as much as twitch my finger. I was completely frozen. I could open my eyes and look around the room. But that was it. 

    What immediately caught my eyes was not a cat at all. It was a pair of hands and partial arms floating right in front of my face. They definitely were not human. They were small grey hands about the size of a small child's hands. And instead of four fingers and a thumb like a human hand, there were only three long slender fingers and a long thumb. The arms extended out into the room and just kinda faded off somewhere near where the elbow might have been if there was a whole body attached to them. In its left hand it was holding a blue rod similar to the one in the picture and I watched, frozen in fascination, as much as really being unable to move, as these hands just hovered in the air. I remember blinking a couple of times wondering if this was really happening and yea, it was. 

    After what was perhaps a minute or two of watching these hands floating in the air they slowly started to move towards my forehead until this rod was resting slightly above my nose and centered over what a lot of people term the 'third eye'. I remember it feeling cool and slightly tingly as it was placed on my forehead. All of a sudden the right hand pulls back and smacks the end of the rod fairly hard and I can feel my head bouncing back into my pillow as this rod enters into my forehead. These hands do this for a total of nine times and everytime this hand pounds the end of the rod I can feel my head pushed deep into the pillow until finally, after the ninth time, the rod is like two thirds of the way inserted into my head. Finally the left hand releases its grip from the rod and I can feel the rod just slip into my head like it is somehow being pulled from within my head and with a sucking sound it is fully inserted and the hands just fade away leaving no trace of anything having ever happened.

    There was a full release of my body at that point and I immediately sprang into a sitting position and shouted out into the room "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!" I know, huh? What else are you supposed to do when a spare pair of limbs shows up floating in mid air and inserts a glowing neon blue implant into your forehead? Do I have to tip you? Or dude, you left something behind? It was just totally befuddling and I had no clue on what I could do about this event. Just, DUH...AHHH...DUH?

    As soon as I shouted out in the room a voice responded, not in my head telepathically, but an actual verbal communication that was audible through the room.

    "It is a device to activate your ability to see and to monitor events. We will come back later and show you how to activate it."

    So I am going through the day thinking about this thing in my head and wondering about the activation part and wondering if I should have just responded with a resounding 'no way dude' when these hands first were noticed. I am not sure what a full mental resistance would have done though. Maybe this was all just a plan I had agreed to so in the end I just followed through when they showed back up. In the meantime I just pushed through the day as my whole head tingled and I eventually brushed the event aside as the day wore on.

    Sometime in the middle of the night I hear a voice waking me up and I find myself wide awake and sitting upright on my bead. I don't go from rubbing my eyes and thinking about getting out of bed and shaking off the grogginess, rather I just am wide awake as soon as I hear this voice in the room.

    "Please sit straight and with an erect back. Visualize the energy flowing up your spine from the bottom of the spine and focus this energy through the middle of the forehead."

    With that I followed the directions and visualized the energy flowing up from my root chakra all the way up my spine and focused pushing this energy through my forehead.

    At this point my head pretty much explodes and it feels as if every hair is like a pin sticking in my head. It is extremely uncomfortable and the spot where the hands pushed the rod into my head the night before began to burn as if my forehead had suddenly been sunburned. 

    This was the only time I would hear this voice or see these hands and arms.  But for two weeks I carried around this red spot on my forehead that itched with the skin eventually peeling much like a sunburn. People commented on my weird skin condition but what am I gonna tell them? Sooo, 'it's just a rash of some sort' I would reply. It took quite awhile before the rest of my head felt 'mostly' normal. My head felt like pins and needles were sticking in it for a week afterwards. It took a full month before my head felt comfortable on my pillow again. But yeaaa baby, it really did open up my third eye!

    The whole point of having experiences is not so much the experience itself, but the underlying implications of the experience. The fact I am having a multitude of experiences is that I agreed to them upon some point before the birth process. It was an interdimensional agreement of some sort. We all have some sort of agreement before we are born and my agreement just happened to originate with the ET world although there are some angelic elements thrown in as well.

    All in all, this universe is a very convoluted universe, and just when you think you 'got it', something pops up to help you understand you ain't got nothing! Go with the flow. Live in the moment. Something is always around the corner to help you 'unfigure' things.

SHABALLA

Blessing of the Ancient Ones

    

    

Ontological Shock

    When Professor John Mack was alive, a tenured Professor of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School and Pulitzer prize winner for his 'A Prince of Disorder', he delved very heavily into the UFO abduction phenomenon and wrote a number of books on the subject of alien abductions. As a result of his work he coined the term 'Ontological Shock'. He describes 'Ontological Shock' as Quote: "everything they (abduction/contactees) thought was real is shattered by this" Unquote. Taken from the BBC documentary 'Everyman', (1998).

    Every contactee/abductee has had some form of this 'Ontological shock'. I was no exception and it traumatized me and put me into a form of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome). I would suppose everyone who has had their paradigm shattered with near death, alien abduction, and alien contact, could react the same way. Quiet suddenly your mind is blown away with the concept you were wrong about human life all along, The box you were living in no longer exists. It is a life shattering experience. 

    This post delves into my own 'Ontological Shock', and how I perceived it. Maybe it will be relevant to someone out there? 

    I was brought up in probably one of the most conservative areas of Utah. Very mormon and I would suspect ninety five percent of the residents of the small town of a couple of hundred people were practicing that faith. Back in the day they decided they wanted to build a second church to worship in so the residents all got together and built it with their own hands and money from their own pocket. It was a very tight community. And again, very conservative. In fact one day as I was driving down the street I saw a democrat standing on the street corner by themselves with a large sign encouraging people to vote for him. That was probably his whole campaign fund right there. I felt sorry for him and pulled over.

    "You have got to have the loneliest job in Utah", I said as I pulled up to him. 

    He just laughed and replied, "yea, I think so!"

    I gave him a couple of dollars I had in my pocket and wished him luck. He needed more than that, though.

    So when I had my awakening experience in 1984 it was just that...ontological shock. I was a born again, repentant soul. I was a died again true blue believer and I was very fervent in projecting my faith. I wanted everything my faith had to offer and took it all and ran like a bull in a china closet. I was absolutely sure I was going places within my faith. I was a teacher in the Sunday school, mens quorum, and eventually was in charge of the whole Sunday school program. I was absolutely convinced I was heading to heaven and was going to sit on the right hand of God. I was totally bought into the program. This is kinda what I felt like.

    The problem was, the universe had other plans. I had been having contact experiences my whole life. Weird little things that left me confused and wondering if something weird was going on. Missing time, my bedroom lighting up at night, nightmares of things taking me in the night. And in the summer of 1984, right in the middle of my religious fervor, I actually had my awakening experience. In one night I really understood what the hell had been happening to me over the course of my life. It totally blew up the whole religious experience I had been going through. 

    So this awakening I had just been introduced to by my little grey friend just turned my life in a hundred different directions. There were a million questions in my head and I had no place to go for answers. In a small religious community like I was living in talking to my ecclesiastical leader wasn't really an option. I am sure he would have told me I was possessed or being inflicted by satan or some other weird stuff. It was just a week earlier I was in the library and happened upon some sort of UFO book. I looked at it and said yea, right, devil, and put it back on the shelf. I literally had no idea on who to talk to about this. Later in life Judy (BIO mom) found out what I was doing in the ET realm and said it was of the devil and I should stop it. It wasn't at all right.

    

    This was the beginning of the internet that Al Gore had just invented. You know, dial up aol that you installed with a floppy disk? 14k modem? The dials, the beeps, and if someone picked up the rotary phone you lost the connection and would have to start all over again. All on a desktop computer with the computing power that would fit on a chip on our cell phones now. 

    On the internet I was able to find a guy named J. Allen Hyneck from Northwestern University in Illinois who had just set up an organization called CUFOS, (Center for UFO Studies). So as soon as the house was empty I found a corner of a room where no one would hear me and called the number listed on the website. I was relieved when the phone was answered by what must have been an intern and we talked for at least an hour. In the end he asked me to write down everything that had happened and send it to him through the postal service and that they would respond as quickly as they could.

    In spite of camping out at the mailbox when I knew the mail was coming I never heard back from them and was never able to get back in touch with anyone at CUFOS. So I buried the whole experience in the back of my mind and put on a good front within the religious community I was involved with and carried on. I literally had no idea on what else I was supposed to do with the whole event. I was totally lost.

    I hid this event for thirteen years.  I tried to pretend it never happened. I really had a hard time trying to understand why this could happen to one of 'Gods chosen ones'. This is really where my mind set was at the time and man, I will tell you, the PTSD was real. I really couldn't figure anything out in regards to religion and how it fit into the universal scheme of things. Teaching lessons about something I was questioning was showing through by my lack of enthusiasm and after awhile I dropped the church teaching thing. I had read all the literature about UFO abductions I could find, which was not very much, and was languishing. I couldn't pull anything stable together.

    It's kinda like this. In life you have a box in your mind. Everything you learn is placed in the box and you are able to put the pieces of the box together called your mind, ethics, cultural beliefs. In a sense, the box is your belief system. Along comes something like a near death experience, UFO contact/abduction experience, and before you know it another box is introduced to your psyche. So just what is your belief system now? Box A which you have been taught exists? Or box B which has just been introduced to you through the new experience?

    

    What ended up happening in my case is I just kinda blew up both boxes. Nothing made sense so the 'Ontological shock' just kept on going for thirteen years. I had in reality, set up a floating belief system. There was a lot of stuff in box A I kept just to keep me somewhat grounded. Though that can be debated. And it took a long time to try to figure out what was in box B. After thirteen years I was sitting alone in the back of the church worship meeting, watching all the families in the congregation do their thing. Mormons are very big in the family realm. If you are single, and more specifically a man as a single parent, there isn't much use for you. It gets really awkward. One Sunday I just looked around and asked myself what the hell I was doing here and got up in the middle of the meeting and walked out. After that I was determined that the only answers I was going to find rested inside myself. What choice did I have? I couldn't deal with the religious faith anymore. It was at that point I started a journey inside. I was really determined to find out what had happened to me thirteen years ago and I made up my mind I wasn't going to stop searching for answers until I could find the truth about why, what, etc... I even asked them, whomever them was, to take me down the rabbit hole. The answers were there somewhere.

    I spent the next twenty years on a shamanic/mystical path, only to understand the rabbit hole would take several lifetimes to explore. I only have one. Live this life now or it passes you buy.

    'Ontological  Shock' affects people differently. The level of PTSD associated with it can be intense, or it can be almost unnoticeable. I would find myself lakeside during the middle of the day screaming at the top of my lungs, "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT FROM ME!" While at other times reveling in ecstasy for nights on end at the stars in the sky. I had a whole summer like that. Until you get a handle on this 'Ontological Shock' which Dr Mack so eloquently described, you are an experiment. Like Pavlov's dog, you chase the light.

So all in all, just be at peace for what you are, the great, I AM.

SHABALLA