That Damned Cat!

    This is one of those things I put in the category of  'so, I got that going for me'. Yea, that's a Bill Murray school of thought nugget for you all.

    It's early one Saturday morning and I am in the process of waking up. You know what I am talking about. The place where you get the feeling it is early in the morning and there is nothing to really keep you from falling asleep again and you really just want to doze back into dreamland. That state where you are aware of what is happening around you, but you are literally five seconds from having a dream. Everyone has been there. The struggle between waking up and falling back to sleep for another hour or so. That space.

    

    My bed lies next to a window. The window is situated about three inches above ground level and my room is in the basement. The window does not have a screen on it and there is only a light curtain hanging in front of it. It is very easy for an animal to jump through it and it has happened before. I once had my dog, a small fox terrier, get frightened in the middle of the night and suddenly he is lying on my bed next to me. So there is a possibility of anything jumping through the window as in the summer it was always open.

    I am in this state of waking up and I am aware of the curtains fluttering above my head in the window so I know the sun is starting to rise over the mountains. I am guessing it is between six to seven in the morning. It is around the end of July so I know it is going to warm up fast and I am debating in my head on whether or not I am going to go back to sleep.

    Directly to the side of my bed I am hearing the soft purring of a cat. The cat got in the room, I thought to myself as the debate in my head between sleep and opening my eyes went on. 

    We lived on an acre of land and my stepfather decided, since we lived in the country, it was a license to get any animal that would fit on the property. So as a result at any one time we had numerous cats, dogs, rabbits, chickens, turkeys, ducks, goats, pigs, horses, hell, even a mule at one point. And being the oldest guess who milked the goat? Yea, goats can be milked...who would have known?

    So when I heard a cat purring in the room right in front of me I wasn't surprised. But I really wasn't in the mood to get up, either. My thought was 'damned cat got in the room' and when I decided to let it roam around because I was going back to sleep I hear the cat let out a soft meow and at that point I decided I really did need to show it the door. 

    'Damn it! Gonna have to get up and usher it out the window', I thought to myself as I slowly started to return to the awakened world. But, wait...we don't have a cat right now, do we? No. And we didn't. We just so happened to be out of cats at that point. So who's cat is this? Where did a cat come from? And how is it positioned beside my bed? Is it just kinda floating in the air? I had no nightstand...just a headboard with plenty of compartments for alarm clocks, etc. So I was struggling with the concept of a cat floating in mid air beside my bed.

    The minute I opened my eyes to check out this cat that was purring right next to my bed my whole body froze. It felt as if every muscle in my body had just died and I was completely frozen. I couldn't even do as much as twitch my finger. I was completely frozen. I could open my eyes and look around the room. But that was it. 

    What immediately caught my eyes was not a cat at all. It was a pair of hands and partial arms floating right in front of my face. They definitely were not human. They were small grey hands about the size of a small child's hands. And instead of four fingers and a thumb like a human hand, there were only three long slender fingers and a long thumb. The arms extended out into the room and just kinda faded off somewhere near where the elbow might have been if there was a whole body attached to them. In its left hand it was holding a blue rod similar to the one in the picture and I watched, frozen in fascination, as much as really being unable to move, as these hands just hovered in the air. I remember blinking a couple of times wondering if this was really happening and yea, it was. 

    After what was perhaps a minute or two of watching these hands floating in the air they slowly started to move towards my forehead until this rod was resting slightly above my nose and centered over what a lot of people term the 'third eye'. I remember it feeling cool and slightly tingly as it was placed on my forehead. All of a sudden the right hand pulls back and smacks the end of the rod fairly hard and I can feel my head bouncing back into my pillow as this rod enters into my forehead. These hands do this for a total of nine times and everytime this hand pounds the end of the rod I can feel my head pushed deep into the pillow until finally, after the ninth time, the rod is like two thirds of the way inserted into my head. Finally the left hand releases its grip from the rod and I can feel the rod just slip into my head like it is somehow being pulled from within my head and with a sucking sound it is fully inserted and the hands just fade away leaving no trace of anything having ever happened.

    There was a full release of my body at that point and I immediately sprang into a sitting position and shouted out into the room "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!" I know, huh? What else are you supposed to do when a spare pair of limbs shows up floating in mid air and inserts a glowing neon blue implant into your forehead? Do I have to tip you? Or dude, you left something behind? It was just totally befuddling and I had no clue on what I could do about this event. Just, DUH...AHHH...DUH?

    As soon as I shouted out in the room a voice responded, not in my head telepathically, but an actual verbal communication that was audible through the room.

    "It is a device to activate your ability to see and to monitor events. We will come back later and show you how to activate it."

    So I am going through the day thinking about this thing in my head and wondering about the activation part and wondering if I should have just responded with a resounding 'no way dude' when these hands first were noticed. I am not sure what a full mental resistance would have done though. Maybe this was all just a plan I had agreed to so in the end I just followed through when they showed back up. In the meantime I just pushed through the day as my whole head tingled and I eventually brushed the event aside as the day wore on.

    Sometime in the middle of the night I hear a voice waking me up and I find myself wide awake and sitting upright on my bead. I don't go from rubbing my eyes and thinking about getting out of bed and shaking off the grogginess, rather I just am wide awake as soon as I hear this voice in the room.

    "Please sit straight and with an erect back. Visualize the energy flowing up your spine from the bottom of the spine and focus this energy through the middle of the forehead."

    With that I followed the directions and visualized the energy flowing up from my root chakra all the way up my spine and focused pushing this energy through my forehead.

    At this point my head pretty much explodes and it feels as if every hair is like a pin sticking in my head. It is extremely uncomfortable and the spot where the hands pushed the rod into my head the night before began to burn as if my forehead had suddenly been sunburned. 

    This was the only time I would hear this voice or see these hands and arms.  But for two weeks I carried around this red spot on my forehead that itched with the skin eventually peeling much like a sunburn. People commented on my weird skin condition but what am I gonna tell them? Sooo, 'it's just a rash of some sort' I would reply. It took quite awhile before the rest of my head felt 'mostly' normal. My head felt like pins and needles were sticking in it for a week afterwards. It took a full month before my head felt comfortable on my pillow again. But yeaaa baby, it really did open up my third eye!

    The whole point of having experiences is not so much the experience itself, but the underlying implications of the experience. The fact I am having a multitude of experiences is that I agreed to them upon some point before the birth process. It was an interdimensional agreement of some sort. We all have some sort of agreement before we are born and my agreement just happened to originate with the ET world although there are some angelic elements thrown in as well.

    All in all, this universe is a very convoluted universe, and just when you think you 'got it', something pops up to help you understand you ain't got nothing! Go with the flow. Live in the moment. Something is always around the corner to help you 'unfigure' things.

SHABALLA

Blessing of the Ancient Ones

    

    

Ontological Shock

    When Professor John Mack was alive, a tenured Professor of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School and Pulitzer prize winner for his 'A Prince of Disorder', he delved very heavily into the UFO abduction phenomenon and wrote a number of books on the subject of alien abductions. As a result of his work he coined the term 'Ontological Shock'. He describes 'Ontological Shock' as Quote: "everything they (abduction/contactees) thought was real is shattered by this" Unquote. Taken from the BBC documentary 'Everyman', (1998).

    Every contactee/abductee has had some form of this 'Ontological shock'. I was no exception and it traumatized me and put me into a form of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome). I would suppose everyone who has had their paradigm shattered with near death, alien abduction, and alien contact, could react the same way. Quiet suddenly your mind is blown away with the concept you were wrong about human life all along, The box you were living in no longer exists. It is a life shattering experience. 

    This post delves into my own 'Ontological Shock', and how I perceived it. Maybe it will be relevant to someone out there? 

    I was brought up in probably one of the most conservative areas of Utah. Very mormon and I would suspect ninety five percent of the residents of the small town of a couple of hundred people were practicing that faith. Back in the day they decided they wanted to build a second church to worship in so the residents all got together and built it with their own hands and money from their own pocket. It was a very tight community. And again, very conservative. In fact one day as I was driving down the street I saw a democrat standing on the street corner by themselves with a large sign encouraging people to vote for him. That was probably his whole campaign fund right there. I felt sorry for him and pulled over.

    "You have got to have the loneliest job in Utah", I said as I pulled up to him. 

    He just laughed and replied, "yea, I think so!"

    I gave him a couple of dollars I had in my pocket and wished him luck. He needed more than that, though.

    So when I had my awakening experience in 1984 it was just that...ontological shock. I was a born again, repentant soul. I was a died again true blue believer and I was very fervent in projecting my faith. I wanted everything my faith had to offer and took it all and ran like a bull in a china closet. I was absolutely sure I was going places within my faith. I was a teacher in the Sunday school, mens quorum, and eventually was in charge of the whole Sunday school program. I was absolutely convinced I was heading to heaven and was going to sit on the right hand of God. I was totally bought into the program. This is kinda what I felt like.

    The problem was, the universe had other plans. I had been having contact experiences my whole life. Weird little things that left me confused and wondering if something weird was going on. Missing time, my bedroom lighting up at night, nightmares of things taking me in the night. And in the summer of 1984, right in the middle of my religious fervor, I actually had my awakening experience. In one night I really understood what the hell had been happening to me over the course of my life. It totally blew up the whole religious experience I had been going through. 

    So this awakening I had just been introduced to by my little grey friend just turned my life in a hundred different directions. There were a million questions in my head and I had no place to go for answers. In a small religious community like I was living in talking to my ecclesiastical leader wasn't really an option. I am sure he would have told me I was possessed or being inflicted by satan or some other weird stuff. It was just a week earlier I was in the library and happened upon some sort of UFO book. I looked at it and said yea, right, devil, and put it back on the shelf. I literally had no idea on who to talk to about this. Later in life Judy (BIO mom) found out what I was doing in the ET realm and said it was of the devil and I should stop it. It wasn't at all right.

    

    This was the beginning of the internet that Al Gore had just invented. You know, dial up aol that you installed with a floppy disk? 14k modem? The dials, the beeps, and if someone picked up the rotary phone you lost the connection and would have to start all over again. All on a desktop computer with the computing power that would fit on a chip on our cell phones now. 

    On the internet I was able to find a guy named J. Allen Hyneck from Northwestern University in Illinois who had just set up an organization called CUFOS, (Center for UFO Studies). So as soon as the house was empty I found a corner of a room where no one would hear me and called the number listed on the website. I was relieved when the phone was answered by what must have been an intern and we talked for at least an hour. In the end he asked me to write down everything that had happened and send it to him through the postal service and that they would respond as quickly as they could.

    In spite of camping out at the mailbox when I knew the mail was coming I never heard back from them and was never able to get back in touch with anyone at CUFOS. So I buried the whole experience in the back of my mind and put on a good front within the religious community I was involved with and carried on. I literally had no idea on what else I was supposed to do with the whole event. I was totally lost.

    I hid this event for thirteen years.  I tried to pretend it never happened. I really had a hard time trying to understand why this could happen to one of 'Gods chosen ones'. This is really where my mind set was at the time and man, I will tell you, the PTSD was real. I really couldn't figure anything out in regards to religion and how it fit into the universal scheme of things. Teaching lessons about something I was questioning was showing through by my lack of enthusiasm and after awhile I dropped the church teaching thing. I had read all the literature about UFO abductions I could find, which was not very much, and was languishing. I couldn't pull anything stable together.

    It's kinda like this. In life you have a box in your mind. Everything you learn is placed in the box and you are able to put the pieces of the box together called your mind, ethics, cultural beliefs. In a sense, the box is your belief system. Along comes something like a near death experience, UFO contact/abduction experience, and before you know it another box is introduced to your psyche. So just what is your belief system now? Box A which you have been taught exists? Or box B which has just been introduced to you through the new experience?

    

    What ended up happening in my case is I just kinda blew up both boxes. Nothing made sense so the 'Ontological shock' just kept on going for thirteen years. I had in reality, set up a floating belief system. There was a lot of stuff in box A I kept just to keep me somewhat grounded. Though that can be debated. And it took a long time to try to figure out what was in box B. After thirteen years I was sitting alone in the back of the church worship meeting, watching all the families in the congregation do their thing. Mormons are very big in the family realm. If you are single, and more specifically a man as a single parent, there isn't much use for you. It gets really awkward. One Sunday I just looked around and asked myself what the hell I was doing here and got up in the middle of the meeting and walked out. After that I was determined that the only answers I was going to find rested inside myself. What choice did I have? I couldn't deal with the religious faith anymore. It was at that point I started a journey inside. I was really determined to find out what had happened to me thirteen years ago and I made up my mind I wasn't going to stop searching for answers until I could find the truth about why, what, etc... I even asked them, whomever them was, to take me down the rabbit hole. The answers were there somewhere.

    I spent the next twenty years on a shamanic/mystical path, only to understand the rabbit hole would take several lifetimes to explore. I only have one. Live this life now or it passes you buy.

    'Ontological  Shock' affects people differently. The level of PTSD associated with it can be intense, or it can be almost unnoticeable. I would find myself lakeside during the middle of the day screaming at the top of my lungs, "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT FROM ME!" While at other times reveling in ecstasy for nights on end at the stars in the sky. I had a whole summer like that. Until you get a handle on this 'Ontological Shock' which Dr Mack so eloquently described, you are an experiment. Like Pavlov's dog, you chase the light.

So all in all, just be at peace for what you are, the great, I AM.

SHABALLA